watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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