i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize