She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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