Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
