yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
