Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
