I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
