New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
