there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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