I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I will pee on everything he values.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
