I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
