sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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