You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
