My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
