so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
