How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
