God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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