Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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