mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
