I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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