I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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