So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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