She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
