he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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