dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
