I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
