He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i love accidental penises.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
