ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
