Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
