when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
