Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize