i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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