I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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