We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
