His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
