yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if only i could text you this smell
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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