it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
