I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
