I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
