The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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