after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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