you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
