Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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