i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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