You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
