my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
