how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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