I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
