you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Someone signed my nipple.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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