Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
