Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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