And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
