u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
