The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The best revenge is premature balding
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
