He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
