Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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