five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
