i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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