made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize