you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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