She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
