All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
These tits shall not be calmed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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