I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
