Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
