This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize