News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
