So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
