First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
