I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
