Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Someone signed my nipple.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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