yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
