Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
