Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You made out with two different species that night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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