I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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