Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
