Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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