I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was like eating out sand paper
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
