Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
