I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He better not be in your backpack
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
